Of changing jobs and soul-searching

I haven't done much since I have gotten back from a 3-day furlough in Laoag, Ilocos Norte. That city up north was a good respite from a hectic schedule that makes life on the go a little more stressful.

I don't intend to get lazier every passing day, but since I have gotten back, I felt more inclined to do nothing at home but laze around, eating, sleeping and watching DVD marathons all day.

I was supposed to go to UST Graduate School last Saturday to enroll for my last year in my MBA. But I made use of the 10-hour bus ride back to Manila a good excuse not to wake up early, sank deeper under the covers and slept weariness away. 

Boredom is eating away at me again. I need to work on something new to get me "up and moving." The feeling of stagnation is one of the things that I detest. But motivation has not kicked in yet. And this boredom does seem like a quicksand that sucks me in. I preferred to be a couch potato, sitting in front of the TV, munching popcorn in my pyjamas while sporting a disheveled hair all day.

I don't know. Maybe it comes with age. As you grow older, your body tends to move slower. Oh, well. I could use a lot of excuses. But I don't even have the body of an obese to justify my laziness.

When you are caught in stagnation, you are thrown into a web of indecision. A lot of what ifs stop you to get out of the rut and just settle in where you are.

For somebody who has been with the Inquirer for over a decade, changing jobs is out of the question. Getting out of the confines of your security blanket feels so scary, and the uncertainty of the unknown that lies before you would look like a thick fog of doubt that you can't get through.

Taking the first step weighs on you enormously, like shaking up the whole world that you have lived in for most of your life. That little drop of change creates ripples that somehow, create a domino effect or a wave even. And the moment you discover you took the wrong turn, it will send your life into a downward spiral.

Leaving your present job is always a gamble. It needs laying down the pros and cons, and evaluating which better way to take. 

And just like the others who go on vacations for a soul-searching, I came back more confused and undecided.

So, yes. I will give myself a break. I won't go anywhere today. I'll sleep some more, do some DVD marathons, and continue sporting a disheveled hair.